5 Important Relationship Questions . . . You Need to Answer

You’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but here it is again: Relationships are tough and they require work. You and your partner have to be ready to put in the effort (that means, time, energy and emotional risk). One way to do this is through frequent evaluation of your relationship.

Here is a list of some important questions to answer both individually and as a couple. These questions will give you a broader and clearer view of your relationship.

1.     Do you feel safe in the relationship? – In your relationship, you should be able to be yourself without fear of judgment. Do you feel like your partner has the capability to stick with you through tough times? Do you feel like your partner has your back if you ran into a tough situation? Would they be there if you had cancer or depression? If it is challenging for you to answer this question, seeking professional help can provide a safe place to explore what’s potentially getting in the way.

2.     Do you both have happiness and contentment? –  As humans and relational beings, we rely on our romantic relationships to provide us with some contentment and level of happiness. Having bad days in your relationship is normal, but if your relationship has more bad days than good days and is fraught with anxiety, anger and/or tension then there is likely a problem. Relationships require work but they shouldn’t emotionally drain you or affect your mental health.

3.     Do your plans and visions for the future align? –  In a committed relationship, it’s important to have some mutual agreement on your vision and goals for the future. What do you dream about and want to do with the next 5 or 10 years of your life? What do you see for the next 20 years? What are your values that guide your ideas for the future? Having discussions with your partner that explore your values and dreams can really help you both understand if you’re in it for the long haul and whether you’re on the same page about what’s important to you in life.

4.     Are your arguments healthy? –  Arguments and disagreements are normal in relationships, but how you argue matters. Are you able to keep your arguments from getting out of hand, find a way to calmly discuss and reach a solution? Are you able to make repairs to your emotional connection and trust, if a harsh word is impulsively spoken? You need to argue in a way that makes both parties feel heard. If things get belittling, verbally abusive, or violent, then you need to seriously re-consider this relationship and most likely get professional support.

5.     Is your physical intimacy compatible? – Physical affection and sex is important in any committed relationship. Do you have the same expectations for public displays of affection? Do you agree on issues relating to sex, such as when and how it occurs? If one person feels physically deprived of affection or sex or pressured to do things they aren’t comfortable with, it could lead to conflict, emotional withholding and secrets. It’s vital to create a safe space in your relationship where you can openly talk about your physical desires and brainstorm together what makes sense for you as a couple, even though it may feel emotionally risky and vulnerable.

If you answered yes to most/all of the questions above, then you and your partner are probably in a pretty great place. If not, carefully reflect on the questions and revisit them when you’ve had time to think about them properly. Use this blog post as a way to start the conversation with each other.

If you find yourself stuck and unable to have these conversations with your partner, it can be useful to have a third party ask questions that are too tough to ask yourselves. If you’re struggling with these questions, and need a therapist to talk to, please give me a call. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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Karin Lawson

2312 Wilton Drive, Suite 22
Wilton Manors, FL 33305

karin@drkarinlawson.com
954-336-4049